A Personal Homecoming

I’ve been planning a show since last October, which will be presented at The 2012 Orlando International Fringe Festival next month. I am equal parts excited and petrified. That’s a lie. I’m one part excited, and nine parts, under the bed, petrified.

I have no doubt that my show is going to kick-ass. I know that to be 100% true. 150% true, if I may. I’ve got a best friend/co-producer coming with me. I’ve got my husband/co-creator coming as well. And I have 35 incredible Orlando Actors/Personalities ready to do some incredible storytelling over two weeks and seven shows. Hell, I even have college friends from 20 years ago planning a freaking college reunion around my event. (That last sentence has a large influence on the “nine parts” petrification).

I lived in Orlando for 8 years. Orlando is a gem as far as acting communities go. If you ever find yourself there, do yourself a favor and see some live theatre. You won’t be disappointed. That’s where I started out, worked hard and eventually became part of the coveted theatre community.  It was wonderful and mostly fulfilling. The thing is that it’s been 10 years since I’ve been back. I’m sure the community has changed and evolved with new faces and new companies. And, I’ve changed. They may not even notice the change but it’s there. I’ve had a life altering, personal, on the inside, dramatic change.

When I was in Orlando, in my mind and let me make clear: in my mind, I thought that some people believed I was only doing well because I had a talented husband who I was able to tag along with. We started a theatre company/sketch comedy group together and I was in all his shows. This was how I “infiltrated” the theatre community. But, I always felt it was “pity” casting. Those years were actually difficult for me. I lived with fear every day. I’m a fraud, I thought. Seriously, every day, I lived with fear. I’ll explain that in shortly.

I moved to L.A. and that fear kept-a-brewin’ which I’ll talk about in another exciting blog. Through a long, long series of events, I realized and was diagnosed with social anxiety and OCD. Great for an actor, right? It’s actually no big deal now, but it does explain my fear and my compulsions at the present and during my time in Orlando and college.

So, I returning to Orlando, I can’t really say a more confident woman, but, you know, a more confident woman. People may not notice at all. The difference will be how I am feeling inside. There will be no screaming inside that I’m a tag-along or not good enough or that these people don’t take me seriously. That’s not true. I know that now. Those were my creations. Instead, I’ll be the person who rounded up (with my co-producer), 35 of the best actors in Orlando to be in MY show. These folks wanted to be a part of MY show. I’ve even had people contact me to be a part of the show and I don’t have room on the roster. I may have to extend. That’s incredible. So now, with no fear, I can say in all certainty “I DID THAT.”

Now, as far as this one part excitement and nine parts scared to death. Well, that still stands. I mean, I am an artist after all.

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